Category Archives: Communicating Choice

When Mindfulness leads to Emotional Intelligence. . .

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stick_figure_balance_mind_heart_md_wm Bing 052016At the heart of great leadership is a curious mind, heart, and spirit.   Chip Conley via Brainy quote.com

Over the past few days, I’ve read a number of blogs from Social Media Influencers and Government Leaders.  Stories emerged of how dysfunction not only causes breakdowns in communication but reason takes a backseat at a place of work.  We may become a bystander to a discussion that causes us to become very uncomfortable and we don’t wish to enter the “fray.”

Some four years ago I was attending a Networking Event and was participating in a conversation between two men who were consultants.  One man was from the East Coast and the other lived in a Chicago suburb.  Another man, unknown to us, walked up and asked if he could join our group.  We welcomed him (the black coat man) and he asked me about my business – that conversation led me to give him a sample coaching session.  The man was eager and surprised himself by telling me something he had not told his wife; he was uncomfortable with the disclosure and decided to walk away.  The two consultants offered that I shouldn’t have given my time to someone who clearly wasn’t appreciative of joining our discussion group.

What happened next was an example of personal mindfulness.  The black coat man walked around the room and said to more than a handful of people, “You see that woman in the red jacket [meaning me] she won’t talk to me.”   People began to ask, “Do you know that man?”   It was unclear to many why the black coat man continued his pointing at me and saying she won’t talk to me.

Mindfulness allow you to become aware of your surroundings, what you are thinking, what you are feeling and what these sensations mean to you at that moment.  Emotional Intelligence is a learned process where mindfulness forms the basis for you to manage yourself and by doing so, manage others.  As you manage your emotions you are able to assist someone else likewise.  Put another way, you observe what is happening around you, describe what it means to you, accept that someone else has something going on causing a disturbance, don’t take it personally and don’t become judgmental.  While it may seem like a balancing act between your mind and your heart, in fact, it is a process that allow you control over how you are in the moment.  The image above displays the end result of mind and heart balance – when you are comfortable in the emotional intelligence realm. 

Emotional intelligence is a process and it most definitely can be learned.  How you act in the moment is what I call, “Choose Who You Want to be Known As.”   Since today is the last day of June we have another beginning in our imperfect world tomorrow on July 1st.  Have a great month of July in your chosen career path!

“Jo Ann” M. Radja, Executive and Career Management Coach

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http://creativecommons.org/by-nc-sa

 

 

 

Following Up is Not Always Easy. . .

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Pain often leads a conversation

Over six months ago, our city was mourning the loss of a young man who was shot while walking down a street.  After a video of the shooting was released, citizens vehemently blamed people they believed were personally responsible for the death.   Anger and bewilderment followed in our neighborhoods and across social media.  The personal anguish of citizens was felt, recognized and acknowledged resulting in municipal and federal investigations  beginning the work to respond to the demands understanding the Why of what happened. The citizen focus over the past few months appeared to be quiet and perhaps blurred.  When people are in mourning, learning how to deal with the pain is not an easy road to go down.  Pain leads the conversation.

I am writing this blog post because of two separate instances that happened this week.  The first occurred shortly after I arrived back in the City from a business trip.  I spoke to a man and asked a follow-up question of why downtown streets were closed due to police protection.  He was surprised I knew about what happened since I was away, and then responded that a construction crew accidentally hit an energy mainline.  Responding to his surprise, I said, “I’m signed up with the city to receive weather and other alerts.”   His perception: “That’s because you are So and So.”  The conversation remained friendly and the man understood from me that all citizens were able to receive the same alerts.

The second instance was my learning that the US Justice Department would hold a meeting where citizens would have an opportunity to raise their concerns about interaction with the police department – an outgrowth of the investigation that began six months ago.  I listened to this news shortly before 6:00am.  The next day the Illinois Progress website announced only 30 people attended the first Justice Department forum.  http://www.illinoisprogress.org.

Following up on issues that are important to you is not easy when you are in pain and mourning.  If I had not listened to the news early in the morning, I would not have known about the US Justice forum that evening.  The business of municipal and federal agencies is for the common good – so for those who would  like to attend a future forum, here is the listing, again from Illinois Progress:  http://progressillinois.com/news/content/2016/06/15/us-justice-department-hold-public-forums-chicago-police-department-probe.

As you Choose Who You Want to be Known As this week, consider reaching out to someone who would benefit and want to know about these future forums.  Thank you and have a great week!

“Jo Ann” M. Radja, Executive and Career Management Coaching

http://www.wordpress.com/disclosures

http://creativecommons.org/by-nc-sa

Do YOU have an Elephant in the Room?

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When the light around you lessens / And your thoughts darken /. . . Search yourself and see / That it is your own thinking / that darkens your world.   John O’Donohue

Earlier this afternoon, the following post was published under the title, “What’s YOUR Elephant in the Room?” https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/whats-your-elephant-room-jo-ann-m-radja    Here’s a copy for your reading:

“I just finished reading another LinkedIn Post about the paradox of innovation; namely, termination due to computer innovation. It took courage for an innovation expert who advises companies about innovation to share his personal story of how and why it came to be that his company fired staff. Yet, that ELEPHANT in the room idiom, had to be handled in a manner considering the employee’s best interest.

When we think about the idiom phrase of handling “the ELEPHANT in the room,” it usually refers to a subject matter that no one wants to discuss. Our brain perceives the conflict greater than it may be, represented by a large insurmountable figure.

Business Leaders accept the fact that the challenge of an ELEPHANT in the room must be dealt with. It is a conflict. Sometimes all that needs to be done is to have a conversation and the ELEPHANT is no longer in the room. Neuroscience, however, has offered a remarkable perspective, using an analogy of a Rider and an Elephant. The perspective is given by a Massachusetts Institute of Technology Neuroscientist, Mr. Emile Bruneau.

Bruneau explains the analogy as an example of how the brain handles conflict by stating – all the Rider can do is to train the Elephant because the Elephant is more powerful that the Rider. The Rider cannot control or fully understand the Elephant. While this story is recited in a Post by the United States Institute of Peace in an effort to teach people how to deal with conflict. I believe it speaks volumes for the business actions we are involved with. A tool is introduced to deal with conflict, “universal empathy.” http://www.usip.org/olivebranch/2016/05/05/dalai-lama-offers-hope-youth-leaders-and-vice-versa?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_term=event&utm_campaign=events_weekly

We know we cannot control another individual. Since we do not understand the perspective of the individual, represented by the Elephant idiom, we need to ask open-ended questions so that a two-sided conversation takes place. The How of this neuroscience perspective is to approach an Elephant in the room, with universal empathy. Questions such as, “How would you describe. . .” “What did you think would happen if . . .? “What did you expect would happen. . .”

What’s remarkable is that neuroscience now helps to explain the issue of how the ELEPHANT in the room, comes to be – in the first place. The ELEPHANT is an idiom character representing conflict, triggered by an unconscious bias. The tool — new phrase of “universal empathy” becomes a positive application to use with the conflict idiom.

The term “universal empathy” may become mainstream because it is an inclusive term. We want and do take the first step in handling a conflict. As we begin to practice the use of universal empathy – when we access our own Pause button – perhaps we can alleviate the ELEPHANT idiom character showing up. It’s another way of handling ourselves and Choosing Who We Want to be Known As in our chosen career. Have a great week!

“Jo Ann” M. Radja, Executive and Career Management Coach”

http://www.wordpress.com/disclosures

http://creativecommons.org/by-nc-sa

Culture Diversity Awareness Perspective

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Be forceful with yourself, learn to integrate the negative, harnessing its force to cross the boundaries that would confine you.  John O’Donohue

Earlier today I published the following post: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/article/weekend-cultural-perspective-jo-ann-m-radja for your weekend reading. . . thPZBEH363 Easter Tree Egg BING 032416

“Most of us read daily – reports, emails, online newspapers, LinkedIn posts, etc. A Spring surprise occurs when you click on a post and a brief read becomes memorable because it provides a new perspective.  The document I read is a brief read and is a take-away from a Nonviolent Leadership for Social Justice Retreat, written by Shameless Heart Coach, Marina Smerling.

Very simply, we are reminded to look into ourselves first.  Pay attention to what emotions are bubbling up in you when a trigger of words are spoken.  You begin the conversation because you know yourself very well.  And yet, an unconscious bias is trying to take hold in you while you want to control your reaction to the trigger of words.  A practice of not helping someone who didn’t ask for help may be the key to handle a trigger of words.  The issue is not the trigger itself, it is how are you handling yourself in the situation.  What are YOU paying attention to within yourself.

A perspective of how to handle yourself is to reach out as an ally.  As an ally you take away the “rank and privilege” connotation.  “I am your ally” is welcoming and creates a space that answers the question, “Why are your here?”

The photo above depicts a cultural practice of an Easter Tree.  What? you might say. Why would someone want to do that?  Perhaps it is another opportunity to understand the diversity in our community that believes the Easter Eggs represent new beginnings.  New beginnings is a universal concept that each of the member Coaches of the LinkedIn Group: Coaches for Equality and Diversity (CED) represent to foster understanding of these issues and its dynamics to the world at large.

 So what new beginnings during this Spring Season are you contemplating, as you Choose Who You Want to be Known As?   Whatever holiday you practice during the 2016 Spring Season, have a Happy Holiday!

“Jo Ann” M. Radja

Martha Lasley, Co-Founder of Leadership That Works, posted in the CED Group Marina Smerling’s document; written permission to share it with you was  given by Coach Smerling via Coach Lasley: http://www.leadershipthatworks.com/documentFiles/665.pdf

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What’s Your 2016 Spring Surprise?

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spring-1256806_640Spirit is an invisible force made visible in all life.  Maya Angelou

It happens often, you change for one reason or another. People you knew a number of years back are unable to accept the change. Apparently you surprised someone because of your development growth. What kept you together in a circle no longer applies It could be as simple as you no longer enjoy eating a certain food, or you lived in the same neighborhood and moved away, or you received a promotion that the other person wanted. Your Spring Surprise happens and you want to move forward.

Alternatively, you may be on the cusp of a change – in the process of transition. Your challenge is to assist someone to accept the transition in your career. Using the emotional intelligence matrix of. . .

observing,

describing,

accepting,

not taking it personally, and

not judging the other person. . . is one strategy to consider. Choosing Who Do You Want to be Known As during the transition process is your personal responsibility that you do not take likely. 

This weekend as the Spring Equinox greets us, very best wishes for YOUR Spring Surprise. . .

So, I

Persevered.

Resilience paid off.

It’s the first day of Spring and

Not too late to

Give back to those who were kind to me.

Doubts tried to creep into my mind for a while this past winter.

And were swept away.

Yearnings will come true as you focus on

what’s important to you. ©Jo Ann M. Radja*

 

“Jo Ann” M. Radja, Executive and Career Management Coach

http://www.wordpress.com/disclosures

https://creativecommons.org/by-nc-sa

* This anagram was first published by me on March 20, 2015 via LinkedIn.com/Pulse

 

 

Why We Often Stand Firm. . .

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Today is my Anniversary of writing on WordPress and I thank all of you for continuing to visit my blog.50bff48f11f940ecee9eae5f5e8b9138ListentoUnderstandnotReplyGeniusQuotes.netOver the past two weeks, I have travelled outside of Illinois for business and to another Illinois County.  These trips afforded me an opportunity to Listen to Understand.  The first instance was arriving at the airport, some two hours later because of bad weather.  The  Van Driver believed he would not receive a tip because he dropped me off less than two hours before flight time.  Of course, this safe driver and was not responsible for inclement weather.

The second example of Listen to Understand occurred the next day when I caught a cab to reach the business meeting.  (I chose not to walk because it had begun to rain and I was meeting people I had not met before.)  This young driver typed the destination into his GPS  and the GPS directed him onto a wrong highway.  He circled back and became confused; we began our trip all over again as it became clear he more easily found a business by the building name, rather than the address.  Both drivers were paid and each had “bent down heads” because they were listening for a reply to a possible negative encounter.  Personally, I was grateful I arrived safely at each destination.

The third instance occurred when I arrived back in Illinois after midnight .  The driver who  was scheduled to meet me, was unable to exit  the car park because of a password reset mix-up; the window attendant gave him a pass.  He told me his story as he explained that I almost didn’t back to where I lived in Chicago in the middle of the night.  While all three of these instances portray how we often stand firm when we speak, managing yourself leads to less conflict.

As You Choose Who You Want to be Known As this week, consider how you manage a potential conflict when someone else stands firm. Enjoy your week!

“Jo Ann” M. Radja, Executive and Career Management Coach

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http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa

 

What’s rolling into your Year of 2016?

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The following anagram was published today via LinkedIn Pulse at http://www.linkedin.com/pulse/whats-rolling-from-2015-your-year-2016-jo-ann-m-radja:

H opes we had occasionally came true.

A nd we still pursued and pressed forward.

P erseverance may pay off as

P erhaps 2016 may be the

Y ear we vision it will be.

Y et, it still remains our choice to

E mbrace the negative

A nd

R eframe our hopes, targets and expectations into the year 2016!©Jo Ann M Radja

As you Choose Who You Want to be Known As have the best year ever in 2016!

“Jo Ann” M. Radja, Executive and Career Management Coach

https://www.wordpress.com/disclosures

http://creativecommons.org/by-nc-sa

Monday Musing – 16 days into November 2015

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no_barriersBINGsearchforcontinuityimaes111615 Continuity in everything is unpleasant.  Cold is agreeable, that we may get warm.  Pascal

 

New words that describe continuity, words we might want to use and one word with 12 meanings are the subject matters of the following three recently posted articles on different aspects of continuity in today’s workplace.

 

http://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/38-convincing-words-and-phrases-to-adopt-immediately-.html

 

http://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/12-reasons-to-hire-employees-who-make-mistakes.html

Have a great week in your careers!

“Jo Ann” M. Radja, Executive & Career Management Coach

http://www.wordpress.com/disclosures

“Talk to Inform” – Your Storyboard

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0511-1204-0312-1815_Woman_giving_a_presentation_at_a_lectern_clipart_imageBING080615 As is often the case when you are looking for something, you come across another idea.  Here is an idea that may be of interest to you when you want to create a storyboard for your next writing, presentation, or meeting at the office.  It’s called, “Talk to Inform – Visual Aid Mate.”   [I am not the author and unfortunately, this color visual  aid shows no company name or copyright information.]

It consists of 10 boxes printed on legal size paper, landscape print setting.  Talking to Inform not only requires a Subject, but the Importance of the Benefit to your audience as well as an Outline of how you are going spend the audience’s valuable time during your Talk on the Subject. [Boxes 1 through 3]

Boxes 4 through 8 contain the Body of the Talk that may contain your personal experiences, expert opinions, analogies, statistics, facts and examples of how your Subject Matter relates to the audience.  Boxes 9 and 10 represent how you Recap and Confirm the Benefit to the audience.  So completing these 10 boxes and you’re done!

We all look for ways to streamline our work flow and I hope this brief idea is helpful to you when you need a self-management tool.    Have a great week in your career!

“Jo Ann” M. Radja, Executive & Career Management Coach

http://www.wordpress.com/disclosures

http://www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/

When is Right, right?

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tumblr_mi8h0xtKme1rliu6yo1_500PromotefirstonbasisofIntegritythenmotivationalthenjobs

It usually comes down to what may be expedient, most likely to occur or even, “What’s in it for me?”  I found the above Dilbert cartoon, shared from tumblr, as an example of how we may inadvertently show ourselves as not demonstrating integrity, as in, “When is Right, right?”

Described as the most active public Philosopher in America, Tom Morris, explains that,

“The distinction between what is right and what is easy is one of the most important contrasts that can guide us in our lives and in our careers.”

If we are uncomfortable, uneasy or afraid to take the right step, we place roadblocks to do what is right in our actions at work.   We may even “self-sabotage” ourselves in our careers because we do not trust in our abilities.     Even though the cartoon character, shown above, was labeled as a work avoider and gave an “only if than” response, he quickly recognized it was wrong, then ran to make it right.

However, you Choose Who You Want to be Known As, be true to yourself in your decisions.  Have a great Day!

“Jo Ann” M. Radja, Executive and Career Management Coach

http://www.wordpress.com/disclosures

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa

Notes:  Morris, Tom. If Harry Potter Ran General Electric, Leadership Wisdom from the World of Wizards.  Currency Doubleday Publisher (2006), page 159.

Notes:  tumblr_mi8h0xtKme1rliu6yo1_500PromotefirstonbasisofIntegritythenmotivationalthenjobs