When Mindfulness leads to Emotional Intelligence. . .

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stick_figure_balance_mind_heart_md_wm Bing 052016At the heart of great leadership is a curious mind, heart, and spirit.   Chip Conley via Brainy quote.com

Over the past few days, I’ve read a number of blogs from Social Media Influencers and Government Leaders.  Stories emerged of how dysfunction not only causes breakdowns in communication but reason takes a backseat at a place of work.  We may become a bystander to a discussion that causes us to become very uncomfortable and we don’t wish to enter the “fray.”

Some four years ago I was attending a Networking Event and was participating in a conversation between two men who were consultants.  One man was from the East Coast and the other lived in a Chicago suburb.  Another man, unknown to us, walked up and asked if he could join our group.  We welcomed him (the black coat man) and he asked me about my business – that conversation led me to give him a sample coaching session.  The man was eager and surprised himself by telling me something he had not told his wife; he was uncomfortable with the disclosure and decided to walk away.  The two consultants offered that I shouldn’t have given my time to someone who clearly wasn’t appreciative of joining our discussion group.

What happened next was an example of personal mindfulness.  The black coat man walked around the room and said to more than a handful of people, “You see that woman in the red jacket [meaning me] she won’t talk to me.”   People began to ask, “Do you know that man?”   It was unclear to many why the black coat man continued his pointing at me and saying she won’t talk to me.

Mindfulness allow you to become aware of your surroundings, what you are thinking, what you are feeling and what these sensations mean to you at that moment.  Emotional Intelligence is a learned process where mindfulness forms the basis for you to manage yourself and by doing so, manage others.  As you manage your emotions you are able to assist someone else likewise.  Put another way, you observe what is happening around you, describe what it means to you, accept that someone else has something going on causing a disturbance, don’t take it personally and don’t become judgmental.  While it may seem like a balancing act between your mind and your heart, in fact, it is a process that allow you control over how you are in the moment.  The image above displays the end result of mind and heart balance – when you are comfortable in the emotional intelligence realm. 

Emotional intelligence is a process and it most definitely can be learned.  How you act in the moment is what I call, Choose Who You Want to be Known As.”   Since today is the last day of June we have another beginning in our imperfect world tomorrow on July 1st.  Have a great month of July in your chosen career path!

“Jo Ann” M. Radja, Executive and Career Management Coach

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What is it Right, Wrong or Gossip?

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Business-man-shredding-a-document Google042516

Out of some little thing, too free a tongue /  Can make an outrageous wrangle  Euripides

We sometimes forget that mistakes people make – are nonsensical.  Here’s an example.  Last Saturday I brought down to the loading dock of the building where I live three bags of paper; a worker from the shredding company was waiting for the paper to load onto his truck.  The bags were inside a wheeled, carry-all cooler that I use to cart around groceries and other items for my convenience.   The worker took each bag out individually and when he looked down at the bottom of the carry all, he saw some items he decided were garbage.  Which they weren’t.  He didn’t say anything to me about these items, he did say something to someone else.

My apartment stored a vacuum cleaner which was broken and could not be repaired. I left the loading dock area and went back to my apartment to retrieve it.  Another tenant saw me wheeling the vacuum cleaner, that I placed in the carry-all cooler toward the building recycling area; he offered help; he explained the vacuum cleaner had to be placed in a dumpster, not the recycling area because it had a plastic exterior cover.  He wheeled the vacuum cleaner to the dumpster (which I didn’t know existed), lifted up the carry-all cooler that held the vacuum cleaner and hoisted it over the top of the dumpster is a few seconds.  As I quickly said, “What are you doing? the carry-all cooler wasn’t even 2 years old; it is not garbage.”  “Oh, yes it is, the man replied.  The man outside (the shredding company worker) said your carry-all cooler carried garbage!”  Huh!  Needless to say, my wheeled carry-all cooler was removed from the dumpster, wiped clean, and is available for my use again.  Gossip has a life of its own and spreads more quickly than the truth.

IMG-20160425-00816It’s important to remember, whatever is left for pickup anywhere outside, it is available for anyone to look through and use. Happily, no garbage was in my carry-all cooler and the misconception was corrected.   No matter what your career path may be, let’s hope the perceptions we hold about someone else are based on reliable facts.  As you Choose Who You Want to be Known As this week, enjoy a gossip-free day!

Mindfulness also is a platform that may be utilized when faced with the example I have shared with you:  Observe, Describe, Accept, Don’t take it Personally and be Non-Judgmental.  Again, enjoy your week!

“Jo Ann” M. Radja, Executive and Career Management Coach

 

 

 

What’s Your 2016 Spring Surprise?

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spring-1256806_640Spirit is an invisible force made visible in all life.  Maya Angelou

It happens often, you change for one reason or another. People you knew a number of years back are unable to accept the change. Apparently you surprised someone because of your development growth. What kept you together in a circle no longer applies It could be as simple as you no longer enjoy eating a certain food, or you lived in the same neighborhood and moved away, or you received a promotion that the other person wanted. Your Spring Surprise happens and you want to move forward.

Alternatively, you may be on the cusp of a change – in the process of transition. Your challenge is to assist someone to accept the transition in your career. Using the emotional intelligence matrix of. . .

observing,

describing,

accepting,

not taking it personally, and

not judging the other person. . . is one strategy to consider. Choosing Who Do You Want to be Known As during the transition process is your personal responsibility that you do not take likely. 

This weekend as the Spring Equinox greets us, very best wishes for YOUR Spring Surprise. . .

So, I

Persevered.

Resilience paid off.

It’s the first day of Spring and

Not too late to

Give back to those who were kind to me.

Doubts tried to creep into my mind for a while this past winter.

And were swept away.

Yearnings will come true as you focus on

what’s important to you. ©Jo Ann M. Radja*

 

“Jo Ann” M. Radja, Executive and Career Management Coach

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* This anagram was first published by me on March 20, 2015 via LinkedIn.com/Pulse

 

 

“Taming the Judgment”

snowy-white-owlBING120213This post was originally published on October 24, 2014 by the social media platform LinkedIn at:  http://www.linkedin.com/pulse/article/20141024202444-32215190-weekend-thoughts-taming-the-judgment?trk=mp-edit-rr-posts

“Weekend Thoughts — Taming the Judgment

A few months ago, I finished reading a book by Margaret J. Wheatley: Turning to one another. Simple Conversations to restore hope in the future (2009). Ms. Wheatley follows the principle of Occam’s Razor – the simplest answer appears to be the right answer. What’s the simplest task we all share – communicating. “It’s not the differences that divide us. It’s our judgments about each other that do.” If we think about the last time we may have rolled our eyes or became quiet while listening to someone, what judgment did we have that caused the rolling of the eyes or the quietness. How did that emotion (underlying judgment) stop a positive conversation from beginning or continuing?

Let’s face it. We sometimes are not at our best in handling a situation. I may be biased because I like Chicago Pizza more than New York or California Pizza. Yet, I can appreciate and learn the uniqueness of each presentation of Pizza and the different ingredients. Once we recognize the bias for what it is, it helps to tame the judgment directing our actions, to allow anopen conversation to understand another’s perspective. Mr. Wheatley’s Turning to One Another is an enlightening process of understanding ourselves more than we might initially realize.

As you Choose Who You Want to be Known As, when a recent conversation didn’t go as well as you may have wanted, consider what you wanted to have happen. Was there an underlying judgment you may have had about the subject matter, or how the other person spoke or presented his viewpoint? An unconscious judgment can be tamed, once we identify it. The issue becomes, do you want to? How will it help you as you manage your career? ”

“Jo Ann” M. Radja, Executive and Career Management Coach

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When YOU least expect it…

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barn-owlfromBING101915What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think.  This rule, equally arduous in actual and intelligent life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness.  Ralph Waldo Emerson

It continues to give me pause of the biases people have, based either on age or appearance.  Each generation often greets another generation with surprise, rather than acceptance of what knowledge/skills they have.  I experienced this phenomenon again yesterday when a person couldn’t believe that I passed an exam, because her unconscious bias placed the biggest look of surprise on her face I haven’t seen in a long time.

Positive outcomes during the day often balance the negativity we may experience.  It is a work in process to learn how not to take certain actions personally or become judgmental of what may be said.  The daily balancing of our soft skills is the platform for managing ourselves and others in our career path.

Surprising ourselves with what is curious could be a mantra that leads us to self-development.  As you Choose Who You Want to be Known As this week, when you least expect to — have fun practicing the element of surprise of a curious situation.

Enjoy your day!

“Jo Ann” M. Radja, Executive and Career Management Coach

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